The path to inner actualization begins with turning inward. This has been on my conscious for a while as why certain feelings arise in me and why I used feel inferior at times to others around me. Particularly, I struggle with the feeling of not being appreciated a lot because of my past experiences. I’ll share my story to help you forgive those parts of you as I have. And the forgiveness is internal for resisting release of the past.
One way I felt unappreciated was when I was younger, I was financially poorer than most. So, I associated my worth with my financial class. This was such an incredibly low feeling because I was around others who had more. So, I felt extremely insecure whenever money was mentioned in the slightest way. I hated feeling that way and at times I made it seem as though I had more than I had. The ego is tricky though.
I began to do this so I could feel worthy and superior to even other kids. Up to recently, I literally just got tired of constantly having cover up for that which I thought I lacked. Richness of spirit is what matters. Richness is an extended expression of what you want to be, do or have. That situation inside doesn’t bother me now but the ego never is destroyed permanently. It’s tricky and will never stop trying to assert itself. Even in seduction.
Another way I have found these lesser feelings of gratification was in seduction. Living in a smaller city with many woman and men knowing one another, I was exposed many times. It wasn’t like New York, Melbourne, or Chicago. So, I see many of the women I have previously talked to with their boyfriends or friends. I look at them and immediately as they noticed me, they whisper to their friends or boyfriends. I didn’t like this because I felt so weird and unappreciated because it was the beginning phase to becoming great with women. I just wanted to be good so bad so I wouldn’t feel like this.
But, I came to the understanding that if I really want this part of my life to change, I must change the things in my life. Thinking and feeling the same way getting tiring and boring. The ego desperately wanted me to accept this but it’s unacceptable to the path of allowance of happiness. It simply allowed me internalize that this is nothing something I do, it’s who I am. The ego is in steady ready route to finding a new and sneaky way to prove that to be true in another way.
As you go forward in your life in a manner which is in alignment with your core, stay true. Because trust the ego is always in need to assert it itself in one way or another. I think I have a fresh idea for the next Melbourne Lair article. I’m excited. Adios my fellow seducers.